"Be the rainbow in someone else's cloud."

For some time I have been trying to be more positive about life. I have been trying to be happier. I am trying to lose the holiday weight I put on by going to the gym more (even though yesterday I played hooky) and trying to be mindful on food portion size. I have been trying to be a better version of myself. Improving, changing. Without change, how can a person grow or live?

Many people may not notice what I am doing and that's okay. The only person I hope who has noticed is God. I am trying.

I have and will stubble and fall. I'm human and I will make mistakes. I will lose my patience earlier than I would like. And for some reason, I can't seem to handle stress as well lately. I have weaknesses like everyone else, weaknesses that I need to improve on.

I am trying to be the rainbow in someone else's cloud.

I have problems. I have hard times just like everyone else, BUT if I could do one positive thing to make someone smile, just for a minute, then maybe, just maybe, that act of kindness can be passed on to someone else. If everyone did one act of kindness, no matter how small, each and every day, wouldn't this world be such a nicer place to live?

Acts of kindness doesn't have to cost anything and sometimes, don't take much effort, where other times, one must plan ahead. Either way, acts of kindness are normally unexpected, and are not rewarded with anything but this ridiculously warm feeling you get from doing the acts of kindness. Just saying hi to a random stranger can do a world of difference.

I find myself smiling, knowing, hoping, it would also put a smile on the receivers face. And then when you see or hear that the little things you did made them smile or better yet, make their day, an all-teeth smile is again plastered on my face.

It's easy to hear people complain about the newest 5+" of snow we just received, complain about not having money for this or that, too cold, too hot, etc. It's very easy to complain. I am even at fault with this. I was just ranting yesterday morning about a guy watching me get stuck in the snow and not doing nothing, but walking away. I try to make an effort not to complain as much, watching the words so easy ready to shout out of my mouth within mili-seconds. Sometimes what is harder is to find a positive thing out of each situation, no matter how bad it seems. There always seems to be a silver lining if and only if we look back from where we came from, and then we see it.

How come it seems so hard to be positive, when in reality, we want to be positive, we want to be happy. But to be happy, one must be positive, not negative, not complaining, not judging, not shutting themselves from the community and family.

I want to continue to try to be people's rainbows. I want to make a difference in a person's life, no matter how small that difference is. I want to be happy and to be a better person, working diligently on my weaknesses. I want to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend.

But I have to be proud of who I am, proud of where I've been, and proud of where I want to go. I have to be myself. If I try to change myself to be something I'm not, then I will never be happy. I would be just lying to myself, treating myself negatively and if I treat myself negatively, how can I be positive and do positive things in my life?

You can't.

Taylor & I July 2010